I am the Queen of Expectations and here’s the story of my reign…

Once upon a time there was new bride who wanted to be the perfect companion for her Knight in Shining Armor. Even though she worked a full time job in a village close by, she still managed to fix her Knight his favorite meal in the evening. The castle was spotless when he got home from his travels and she even took time to slide love notes into his horse’s saddle each morning before he rode off. She couldn’t wait to hear his words of praise to thank her for her efforts. Surely he would think she had outdone herself today.

For their first anniversary, she spent hours shopping for that special gift knowing that it would be the best gift he had ever received. But surprised she was when he opened it and noticed that it was not received as she had expected. He looked at it and smiled and then went back to business as usual. After all, a Knight has a lot of responsibilities and a busy schedule.

She prepared the perfect meal for her Knight and even anticipated his response. Ta-Da! When she uncovered the entrée and revealed a perfectly displayed fillet, he nodded politely and then asked where the messages were from that day. Later she discovered he barely touched the food she had prepared because he had eaten a hearty lunch with his comrades. After all, a Knight is constantly busy and needs additional nourishment.

Ah, she was so in love!

But as the months passed by she started to sense that something was genuinely wrong with her Knight. Knowing that all her previous attempts to please him had failed, she started spending several hours each day praying for him. One evening, while boastfully admitting her gesture, she was shocked to find that what she had prayed for him was not at all what he would have wanted prayers for - had she asked. She knew that a particular session was challenging her Knight so she prayed for his patience, knowledge, and guidance. He mentioned that he needed prayers for his pupils to understand the concepts and theory. "Ouch!" She couldn’t even get prayer right for her Knight in Shining Armor.

It seemed the more determined she was to make her Knight happy the more miserable he had become. It didn’t take her long to realize that she was getting so exhausted by trying to live up to his expectations that she almost always found herself secluded in her own private chambers.

The result? He let her down and he didn’t understand why. Her expectations did not match his. As a matter of fact, he didn’t understand what or how she expected him to react to all her efforts. All he knew was that he could not please his bride. So ends the reign of the Queen of Expectations.

Have you ever been let down because of the expectations you have placed on others without them knowing it? We think we have special powers and can read each other’s minds but we fall short...miserably short.

I, the Queen of Expectations, realized that what I thought my husband wanted wasn’t at all what he wanted or needed. He didn’t want elaborate meals; he wanted time and space to unwind. He didn’t care if the house was spotless; he wanted me to welcome him home after a hard day of work. He didn’t care what the gift was; he was content knowing I remembered the day. While I was wearing myself out trying to do things to make him happy, he was trying to find a way to spend more time with the woman he married. I had changed! And in the process I ended up making us both unhappy.

I can look back on those early years of our marriage with a smile knowing how silly it was for me to think that I could fill my husband's life with gifts and treasures rather than being an active partner in our relationship. He wanted me just the way I was the day we were married, not the person I had become.

So it is with my relationship with Jesus. He takes me just as I am, broken or bruised - with or without makeup - grungy or tattered. Jesus doesn’t want me tired from overextending my schedule, He wants me renewed so that I can witness for Him with joy. Jesus isn’t looking for perfection; He wants a humble disciple. Jesus isn’t going to stop loving me because I mess up; He’s going to pick me up when I fall.

The only expectation Jesus places on me is the same one my husband asks…faithfulness. Through that faithfulness, Jesus will make me happier than any gift, fuller than any meal, and speak volumes over any well thought out love note. Jesus will make me richer than any tiara, more beautiful than any makeover, and more loved than all the words ever spoken.

Written by Brenda Bates – May 2006

Scripture:
God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.
Isaiah 62:5

Prayer to the Father:
Father God, I love You. I can’t imagine a day without You in my life. So many times I forget to start my day with You and then fail miserably when I’m under attack. Lord help me to see how faithful You are. Help me to hear Your voice in the words of a song, the pages of my Bible, and the soft voice in my soul. Father God, I often forget that You not only hear my prayers but hear my thoughts as well. You linger in my mind and leave traces of Your presence in the very words I speak. You take my impurities and wash then clean and call me beautiful. And oh how magnificent You are to choose a pathetic sinner like me to love and care for so gently. Thank You Jesus for Your sacrifice and the gift of salvation. Thank You Holy Spirit for deliverance. And thank You God for allowing me to be Your vessel once again. In Jesus name I will forever pray. Amen.

Personal Thoughts:
If you are a Queen or King of Expectations, I invite you to throw away your crown. The people around you will love you for it and you will be freed from the bondage that you have placed upon yourself. And even though I still struggle with expectations at times, I'm able to recognize the source of the struggle when it occurs.

Isn’t God amazing? He doesn’t reject one person from quietly pursuing them into a personal relationship with Him. He wants each one of us to simply love Him. It was the best decision I have ever made to say “Yes” to His proposal and I hope it is yours as well.